If you’re not sick, why do people pretend that they are? I don’t get it. Why can’t you just be grateful that you’re not really sick? Why can’t the drama be about how healthy you are?  Believe me, the world is a lot less scarier when you’ve got your health. Don’t wish it away. Get up. Get out there. Make life your bitch. 

xBlanaid

I can’t really be any more than I am right now. That’s not to say that I can’t continue to learn, and try, and tone it down or turn it up  - but right now, today, this is all I can be. I can’t be your kind of perfect because I’m not sure what your definition of perfect is…

So here I am, with all of my faults, not trying anymore to be anything but all I am with all of my faults.  

xBlanaid

Images via fffound

This is a feeble attempt at making you smile. I know you feel that you’ll never  laugh again with a 100% conviction, but you will. Would a clown suit help? ; )

I wish I could help you more, or figure out the answers to your questions, but all I can offer is all that I know - as simple as it is - love is a nice thing, and if it’s not nice, it’s not love. 

xBlanaid

Nothing to say except, Summer - I love you. 

xBlanaid

Images via ffffound

How’s that working out for you? You know, the thing where you take some time out to pull the covers of the ‘lonely, miserable life you think you deserve’ over your head? Fulfilling your own prophecy of solitude and doom…regardless of the fact that we both know you wouldn’t actually mind being ‘happy.’  Anyway, congratulations on all of that… oh, but…one thing… you do realise that what you’re doing is a choice, don’t you?

Just checking. 

xBlanaid

 ”One can only live while one is intoxicated with life; as soon as one is sober it is impossible not to see that it is all a mere fraud and a stupid fraud!”  Tolstoy.

I have all the attributes of a drug addict, without the chemical materials to substantiate that character. I’m constantly seeking the challenge and intensity of the highs, and when I get them, I start to regret leaving behind the mellowness of the non-days. Then, once the demented period is over, I am itching for the manic levels once more. I can’t sit still. I can’t decide if I can make a decision to make up my mind to know what it is that I want…so for now, I’l just take it as it comes. Easy day today, maybe a hard day tomorrow, but concentrate on only changing the manic!/relaxed! record to fit the day today and stop worrying about when a particular period will end, when it will come back, and how I’ll manage it all when it does return. I think, after the last year, I should have confidence in the fact that I’ll manage just fine. 

xBlanaid

The way you listen, and know when to listen, even though you know that I believe that I have nothing left to say - it’s the way that you do that, which makes me find the way to find the things to say.

I’m so grateful to have you in my life, in all of the ways you’ve been a part of it…

Love, Blanaid 

images via ffffound

There I was, being consumed by a make believe  masquerading as a distraction disguised as real life. Now here I am, back in this place, testing all the doors to see which one will take me out of here. Remarkably, most of them seem to say ‘tomorrow’ or ‘this person’ or ‘that place’ or some other imagining that’s completely intangible…I have no idea what I’m talking about, all I know that I feel the need to go somewhere to do something, while at the same time feeling quite happy to stay here. I wonder when that feeling will go away, so that I can just enjoy this wonderful life that I have, one hundred per cent…

It’s going to be a very interesting year….

xBlanaid

Images via ffffound. 

Odd isn’t it, how one person can make you feel both entirely comfortable, and completely awkward, all at the same time. I’m not complaining though, the truth is, I kind of like it. At least it isn’t boring. Or settled. Or boring. Did I say that already? Well, there you go, if I was to describe you, I would say - you’re certainly not boring. Which is exactly my favourite kind of person. 

xBlanaid

Images via fffound

The worst advice to listen to is often all of the advice that is offered. Maybe some situation, to the outside world, is not normal. Maybe it appears unhealthy, or illogical, or unworthy, or just..odd. But - for you, it works. It feels like it should. So don’t take the outside advice and try to change something so personal, so perfectly odd, just so it suits outside perception. Just…enjoy it. Stop questioning it, stop asking for advice, stop taking advice, stop gossiping about it, stop wondering and starting rows and testing, testing…stop pushing the buttons and just go with it. No-one can give you the answers you need, if you don’t even know what the real questions are…

..and maybe, just maybe, there are no questions. 

xBlanaid

Images via ffffound

…and then, one day, it’s finally over. You think you’ve just been putting one part of yourself on hold. When it’s over, you realise that, actually, your entire life has been on hold. 

..and doesn’t it feel good to press play?

xBlanaid

You know the way people say that things happen because God, or whoever’s in charge, thinks you’re strong enough to deal with them? I would like an appraisal meeting with the boss. Not to fill out a complaints form, but to ask ‘really, you think?’ I just want to hear ‘yes, actually, I do.’

It’s not so much the affirmation I need, more of a reminder.  

xBlanaid

Images via Ffffound.

This isn’t really about you. I just don’t know if I want to move forward, because that might mean giving up on things that I haven’t even figured out if I want or not. You’re too much like real life, so let me continue fooling myself for a while. I might come to my senses.

Then again, that would suggest I had sense to begin with…so this may not be about you, but you are probably the only person who’s going to understand this. Which adds to my uncertainty. 

x Blanaid

Images via ffffound.

It doesn’t matter anymore, which is quite liberating. I can stand back and admire the things that would have previously unnerved me. It doesn’t matter anymore, because I’ve finally figured out the whole big, mad, secret thing to feeling independent - being independent. Shocking really, took me a while, but the view is quite nice. I think I’ll stay.

Have a lovely weekend, 

x Blanaid

Images via ffffound.

Do you ever feel that you are  running low on common sense? That the space it generally rents out in your brain has become completely occupied by information and decisions…? The ability to make a decision based on emotion, rather than fact, has also been asked to leave. I wonder if you can ask it to come back sometime…you know, when work calms down and terrifying episodes are over with, can you ask it to come back so you can start feeling things again? Just feel them, without analysing them, or investigating the myriad of potential outcomes instead of just saying yes. Can you pretend, and just say yes, even if you can’t feel anything… is that a sign that you’re open to wanting it back for real? Or should you just wait, and hope, that someday, life will be more than just a decision. 

(Again, I hope this makes some kind of sense.) 

xBlanaid

Images via ffffound. 

Sometimes, I feel that things can be both completely definite but also completely uncertain at the same time. Like, I definitely need to do something, but I’m uncertain how to do it, but I’m definite in the fact that I’ll figure it out, but I’m still uncertain as to what ‘it’ is exactly.

The only thing I am definite about at this moment in time, is that I don’t have to react to uncertainty. I don’t have to remove myself from a situation because of it, or try and change things to remove it from the situation. Because the only thing that’s definite, for all the stress it causes - is that the uncertainty is the interesting part. It’s when everything starts becoming definite - well, that’s when it also all starts to get boring. 

(I hope this makes sense. It’s been a long week.)

xBlanaid

Images via fffound.

Isn’t it interesting how a failed relationship can become one of your favourite friendships? How you really, truly, unselfishly want them to be happy, just because they are kind and brilliant, and one time you loved them, and the best part of that remains.

x Blanaid

Sometimes you have to indulge the parts of you you’d rather didn’t exist. The tired part of your brain or the dark side of your mood or the imperfect part of your physicality. Nobody wants to just live for tomorrows, but sometimes, it helps you to give up on today. And sometimes, giving up is an achievement in itself …so, go to bed, get some sleep. There will be a better day. There will be a natural moment when it stops feeling like an effort, and that is worth all those forced moments you spent trying to pretend that you were okay. 

x Blanaid

Images via ffffound and Lolita

Yeah, you are better than that, and fine, I know you’re scared. But… this is not a dress rehearsal and I don’t think that either of us believe for a minute that sitting around thinking about the play is quite the same as getting up on the stage. You’re brilliant, just start.

x Blanaid

Images via ffffound. Sometimes the images in Fancy Friday and the text correlate. Not this time! 

I know we all have those days, days that just crowd you out, take you over, won’t let you feel in any kind of control. You can’t get your thoughts in order, you just don’t know these words that are turning around over and over in your mind, words you never thought before but are now there in capital letters, shoving out the nice words, pleasant words, future words. Just a bad day full of a whole lot of not good. Well, it’s been a while since I’ve had a day like that, and all I can say is, I’m officially done with them. Life is good. It’s just  a beautiful, beautiful, wonderful day, and I am in a good mood.

I hope you are too, wherever you are, whoever you’re with, and if you’re not, get there. Find someone who makes you smile. Go out and laugh and have a skate on the ice and wrap up warm and put some lip gloss on and call back your friend and stay up late and get up late and eat some chocolate and listen to music and practice being in a good mood ’til the good mood comes… 

I hope you all have a lovely weekend. 

xBlanaid

All images via ffffound.

See all the Fancy Fridays > Here <

Reading a lot lately - came across this quote in relation to destiny, in the book ‘Leaving the World’ by Douglas Kennedy : 

The father of quantum mechanics, Niels Bohr said - “There is no way of knowing where a moving particle is given it’s detail, and thereby, by extension, we can never predict where it will go”.

Which got me thinking, probably too much, about this whole fate/destiny thing. As Bohr was saying, we know that things, us, exist, we know we are going somewhere on our little travel through life, but we have no way of knowing what that destination is… We can make choices, and imagine that the way we have been programmed will affect those choices, and some would say that that programming IS destiny, that our choices, subconscious or not, are shaping our paths to our final fate. But how can we know? How do we know that the people around us were part of the plan, that how we react to their words or actions doesn’t send us in a completely different direction? Perhaps there is a final destiny, or perhaps the only thing for certain is death. Religious people are of the mind that God has a plan for all of us, that he controls every action, encounter, acquaintance. I am more inclined to agree with Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, from the same book; 

“…it is not possible to know both the position and momentum of a particle at the same time, because the act of measuring it would disturb the system.” 

After reading all of this, I have decided that there is no more fate and destiny. No more ‘what’s for you won’t pass you by…’, no more ‘it was meant to be..’- there is only today. There is only what you decide today, how you behave today, how you live today. If there is a destiny, it is only to exist, to be present, to not hand over your life to some unknown plan, just to be here, now. Don’t wait for the adventure that is your imagined fate, today IS the adventure, and today is the only thing that is definite. 

..and today was great. 

xBlanaid

 I suppose I’m at an age now when I should know what I want to be when I grow up. I’m the kind of person who can’t do just one job. For example, I have about eh…16 projects on the go at the moment, and some people are telling me to focus, focus, focus on just one thing…you know, so I can figure out what to concentrate my energy on, so I can be good at that one thing, achieve in that one area. But,  I don’t know, is the real answer. I don’t know what I want to be, I only know what I want to do tomorrow. I want it to be different to what I did today. 

Maybe, one day, I’ll find something that I’ll want to do every single day, but how will I find it if I don’t try everything first? Maybe I’ll never be the best at anything, but I might be the best at saying yes to every new experience, and that’s good enough for me. 

x Blanaid

Images via ffffound, tumblr, flickr, for stars will rise again, i can read. 

Have you ever had one of those days, when you know you’re on the cusp of a time that will see you working ridiculously long hours, trying to achieve a ridiculous amount of things? This evening is very cusp-y, I’m full of nervous energy, wandering around, picking things up, putting them down, waiting, because tomorrow it all starts for real. It’s equal measures of exciting and terrifying, but I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way….well, one other way, only one other thing would be different, if everything was perfect. But then, perfection is evasive, time can’t be controlled, and patience is easy when the potential for everything is so great….

Hope you had a lovely weekend.

x Blanaid

All images via fffound

A belated Fancy Friday due to the best weekend of my life, and therefore I’d like to dedicate it to those same people , who helped me waste a whole lot of time in the most wonderful way…!

I suppose there is no real way to accurately describe the  feeling of having great friends, but we kind of stumbled upon it in a pisstakey drunken conversation about something completely different - it’s good for the soul! Profound - but true

So, to everyone who came out, from the people who made me laugh ’til I had to sit down for a minute,  to the people who I hadn’t seen in a while, or never met before, all of these wonderful, lovely, brilliant, brilliant people, thank you! x

Hope you all had a lovely weekend too, 

x Blanaid

Preppy children, a quiet smoke, profundities and Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords. All the ingredients for a demented type of Stepford Utopia….I’ll take it!

x Blanaid

Images via ffffound, tumblr and etc

Things to do this weekend : get out of the house, go on an adventure, have a laugh, make a fool of myself, laugh at that, have some tea, dance a little and look at the stars - even if it’s just for two minutes. Must just to remember to look at them, either on the way home from a good night out, or through our lovely new windows!

Have a lovely weekend…

x Blanaid

Isn’t it crazy that we smoke and drink and eat bad food and do all the things that will shorten our days on this lovely place? It’s madness, but f*ck, it’s fun at the time.

Have a great weekend. Sorry for the absence this week  - work is mental aaand I’m moving to Dublin… Photos of the new pad soon-ish!

xBlanaid

Images via Lolita, Ffffound, Them Thangs and For Stars.

So..it’s Hallowe’en, and if you’re not in any way ill, I hope you’ve got big plans for lots of dementedness and fancy dressing and eh..trick or treating! Well, if I don’t wear my heels, I could pass for an average height 8 year old….worth a shot…. 

x Blanaid

Images via For Stars Will Rise Again, Ffffound, and We Heart It, 

A giddy/sad Fancy Friday - giddy..sad…giddy…sad…black or white…sometimes the extremes can be overwhelming, but mostly, I’m glad there’s no grey in my life, except on my walls. 

Have a wonderful weekend, enjoy the ups and downs.

x Blanaid

I hope, reading this, that you’re in love at the moment. Or that you’re open to it. Or that you’ve spent some time with someone who loved you just the way you are, even if it didn’t work, you know it’s possible. That’s the only answer to the ‘love is…?’question in my mind - just that it’s possible, that you can stay hopeful,  and that’s good enough for me. 

Have a lovely weekend,

x Blanaid

Images from ffffound, dropular, justbears, le-love image, deviant art and  the ‘you are my sunshine’ print, which I have, is from etsy.